Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Beware of Nice Guys

Hey y'all.  So I was musing over things things, and I've realized that there's nothing so misleading as a nice guy.  They can be the cause of so much heartache and trouble, and most of the time they don't even realize it.  Notedly, this is a thing that every girl technically has to learn for herself, but there's an old saying that goes you should learn from other people's mistakes rather than your own.  So here's some advice that younger women should be aware of.  Probably older women know this already or have matured to the point where they behave as if they're aware. 

The advice is this: guard your heart around nice guys.  Imagine yourself, a young lady looking for love, and through one circumstance or another, you find yourself talking to a nice guy.  Not just any nice guy, but a sweet dude who not only is smart, but also is very good at listening and considering your opinions, making you feel smart and respected (Hint to men: this is how to be attractive). 

Naturally, you fall head over heels for this gentle intellectual.  Then, a bit later, as you are obsessively watching this man while trying make sure he doesn't notice, you catch him talking to another young lady.  And he's being just as nice to her, being entirely respectful and uninsulting.  You realize with horror that this man wasn't attracted to you at all, but simply is the sort of person that converses considerately.  He's a nice guy.  You might be suspicious that the other girl is attracting his attention, but overall you're aware it's just the guy's way of talking.  And you feel heartbroken. 

What I hope is apparent in this description is that it is not the man's fault that you let your heart go out.  No one owes you his love, and in this circumstance he didn't even know he hurt your feelings.  You can't blame him either, because you're the one that threw your heart under his shoe, and he didn't realize it was there.  So step back, take a breath, and realize that you have not progressed in anything but a friend relationship with this guy.  As long as you calm down and make your feelings submit, you can develop a friendship that might possibly develop, if you two are compatible. 

Don't stress it.  It's like Phil Collins said: you can't hurry love.  And why would you want to?  Think of it this way: if you're going to marry a guy, don't you want to have something of an audition process before you vow to spend the rest of your life with him? 

I should mention the fake nice guy.  This is sort of a parallel to the nice guy, as he does nice things for all the girls instead of making you feel special.  Unlike the nice guy, the fake nice guy does it on purpose.  Fakey is often desperate for a girlfriend, feeling that if he sows little hints of attraction to all the girls, one of them will go out with him.  The fake nice guy is not looking for one special girl to attend to, but rather any girl who happens to not be disgusted by him. 

Ladies, let me make this absolutely clear.  DO NOT date a guy who doesn't treat you like you're custom order, above the rest.  It's one thing if you and a guy hang out just to see if you're compatible, but don't date him if you find out he just wants a female of some kind by his side.  You deserve someone who is captivated by you and only you.  This isn't to say he doesn't find anyone else attractive (it's unrealistic to expect such a thing), but rather that you're the winner.  You beat out all those other chicks he could have dated.  Feminists talk a lot of crap about women not being prizes, but in reality both the man and the woman in the relationship should feel that they won. 

So yeah.  Here's my straightforward advice.  If you find a nice guy, don't get too forward, either in your heart or to his face.  Decide if you want to date him, and play it cool.  Realize if you're not able to handle that he talks really nice to other people, or see if he does it for a reason.  Just don't get too excited.

If you run into a fake nice guy, don't give him the time of day.  Give him a judgemental glance if you see him hamming it up to someone you know.  Usually ignoring these guys will make them go away, because they only lurk where they think they have a chance.  Don't encourage them.  They have to learn to realize it's okay not to date, and should get stronger by themselves so that they can treat a woman right.  Remember, ladies, giving in to a man means he'll never learn.

As for the nice guys, I've got advice for you too.  I know it isn't really your fault that girls let their hearts get crushed, but do try to notice if you think a girl is letting herself get led on.  And remember, however nice you seem when you're talking to someone you aren't dating, treat your girlfriend better.  There should be a clear line between girlfriend and girl friend.  Or all the women will hate your guts.

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