Tuesday, November 5, 2013

A Note on Getting Dates

Hey y'all.  So this blog is for just whenever I find something I want to rant about, and today's rant is about dating.  Specifically, on whether or not a girl should ask a guy out.

I just watched a video where a guy said that girls shouldn't, but they can definitely "put themselves in the way" (make themselves noticeable, I suppose) and question the guy if he's leading them on.  As I was watching this video, I realized something.  Some people might be a bit confused by the wording.  Hence, a bit of nitpickery is necessary.

"Should a woman ask a man out" is the incorrect way to ask this question.  After all, it is neither a sin nor a virtue if a woman goes up to a man and asks if he wants to hangout at Coffee Scene.  The choice the woman is making is neither moral nor immoral, it's what economic people call "nominative".  Like the simple equation 2 + 2 = 4.  This equation does not question if it is morally right for two and two to be four, it merely states that it is.  Likewise, a woman is not deserving to be punished or entitled to a reward for asking a guy out.  It's not a moral question.

People who are sensitive in the area of dating or who are suspicious of certain people who talk about dating (it happens), may forget to apply this distinction.  Heck, men in general might forget this distinction, as it's their opinion that matters here.  See, the question is not should, but how effective is it when a woman asks a man out?  The only way to find an answer to this is to ask men.

Women don't have the answer.  As much as women these days want to be powerful, or simply find men who aren't too cowardly to ask us out, we really don't get to decide the answer to this.  It actually makes me a little mad.  After all, I know how to pursue someone and make them interested in me -- of course I have the natural advantage of being a woman and thus already knowing what women want.  Women want validation and a safe place to put our love.  Men don't seem to get it, and I don't get dates.  It's really frustrating.   If only I could go out and get a date.

Well, technically I can get a date.  I can ask a guy out, and we'll go out.  This, however, does not lead to deeper relationships.  Basically every book I've ever read and every guy I ever heard talk about it says that pursuing men turns them off.  Some sexists call this "Neanderthal", but what the heck is so old about it?  It's just the way men are, and it's not wrong simply because modern people say it's wrong.  Again, it's nominative.  It's not wrong that 2 + 2 = 4 instead of 5.

At any given time, a woman is generally ready for a relationship or ready to try a relationship sooner than a man is.  Thus, by allowing men to pursue, it usually means that both in a potential dating situation are ready.  Or puts the man in the place to be rejected.  Either or.

I do appreciate for men that it's a risk they take every time they ask us out.  But surely they must appreciate our situation: most of them are not enthralled by being chased as us women are, and so that means to a certain degree us women are at the disadvantage of not being able to initiate a meaningful relationship.  We can dress up, or do lots of charitable things, or go out into social situations often.  But if men don't ask us out, we get nothing.

So while granted a woman who is frustrated and wants to ask a man out is likely not going to get what she expects, it's hard not to sympathize.  Men, don't you dare feel for a moment that a girl is out of your league, or that she won't like you.  You don't know that until you ask, and there are many girls who would say yes if only you would ask them.  Having a girl say no is not the end of the world.

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