Write Club: What Not to Write

Hey y'all.  Some time ago I made some notes about what a writer shouldn't do when they write.  And now I found the paper again when I was organizing my bookshelves.  So why not share it?

There are certain things a writer shouldn't do.  Either the consequences can be on themselves, their readers, or both.  Writing and reading communication with the innermost parts of the authors' souls, and they show themselves in ways they didn't realize.  My english teacher said that what you write hides you from the world, and she says she can write something without someone knowing she is southern or a woman.  I disagree.  While no one who reads what you write will know what you look like without seeing your picture on the back cover, they will see your soul.  And which is deeper, your skin or your soul?

My english teacher's soul is not particularly southern, but I've noticed that women writers tend to make themselves obvious (to intuitives, anyway), and it is possible to guess the gender of a writer even if they don't mention it.  The more you understand the souls of people, the more you can intuit about a writer from their book.  Sometimes even unintuitive people can guess, especially if they are social and know how people act.

That being said, here's number one of what writers shouldn't do.

1. Don't emphasize your superior (or "superior") knowledge/vocabulary/ideology.

Arrogant people are nobody's favorite, especially when the arrogant person lifts themselves up at the expense of the reader.  They know when you're making fun of them, or contradicting their beliefs.  You're not fooling anyone when you write a children's story with "disguised" vegetarianism and yoga-type mysticism.  You're not impressing anyone when you spasmodically obfuscate facile lexeme.  It's very nice that you know how steamboats work, Mr. Twain, but that doesn't mean you need to have three pages worth of a kid pretending to be an audibly accurate steamboat as he goes along.  Seriously, that totally could have been cut out of Tom Sawyer.  I skip it every time.