Something Annoying

Hey y'all.

Okay, so I work at a bookstore, and a bunch of the time we get these autobiographies with the most pretentious titles ever.  I really can't stand them.  I mean, they're all like "Me", "My Life", "My Story", or "The True Confessions" of someone I don't care about.  Gah!  Okay peeps, if you're going to write a book about yourself, please don't let it sound like you think you're everything.

I know I like to hang out around fiction, but here's a little exercise for you, just to challenge your skills.  Think about your life, and then come up with the title of a biography for yourself.  The only rule is, you can't use these words:

I
me
my
ordinary
extraordinary
story
tale
confession(s)
true
life
am
fate
destiny
future

I've come up with a few for myself, but really since I'm so young it's a bit pretentious to have a title for something like this anyway.  Still, I'm pretty much choosing between "Pass the Ducks", "Stupid Melody", and "Always Hardcore".  Basically I'd have to wait and see how my life really turns out to see which is better. 

Pass the Ducks comes from the Nutcracker song Pas de Deux, which is one of my favorite songs ever.  It's very dramatic, and the daring of the song really makes sense (in my head) with the ridiculous title of my book.  I've always been a combination of extremes, so the silliness plus the seriousness works for me.

This is also why I like Stupid Melody.  It's the title of one of my favorite DJ Redlight songs, and while the only lyrics to the song go "it's just a stupid melody" the song actually argues against itself, sounding a lot more powerful than its title gives it credit for.

I'll admit that Always Hardcore is a bit pretentious on my part.  I like it, but I really wouldn't choose it unless I did something amazing like liberate a Communist country, cure cancer, and bake a tasty raspberry chocolate cake all while juggling mugs of hot coffee.  Hey, you never know.

Well, that's my submissions.  What would make a good title for your story?  Remember, you can't use one of the above words, and you have to title your book in such a way that people would want to buy it.  Also, what would you put on the cover?  Let me know!

Nitpickery - Darkness in the Mirror.

Hey y'all.  I feel like gettin' a little nitpicky today because I stayed up late last night reading this book called Darkness in the Mirror, and I can feel rant mode going on. 

I have a problem with the library.  This problem is, they have a multiplicity of books written by people who never should have been published.  A while back I checked out this book called Sorry, It's Not for Us (or something to that nature), which dictates the plight of a woman who must choose what books to allow her publishing company to pick up and which to say no to.  She speaks of very high standards, and her reasoning is interesting.  However, the library must disagree with this.  What other reason would they have for publishing the nonsense I've checked out there for the past several months?  It had The Dark Tower by C.S. Lewis, but that was the one good book I've ever checked out from the library.

So Darkness in the Mirror is a story about a family, and one of the genetic traits of this family is schizoaffective disorder.  First one woman gets it, then her daughter Ruth passes it on to her daughter Ondie.  She has another daughter, Serita, who seems to have escaped this fate.  Ondie is trying to get back with her baby's daddy, not knowing that he's having a fling with Serita.

The reason why I picked this book off the shelf was because it was by Erica Lewis, who happened to be near the C.S. Lewis section, sadly small in the library.  Also, the cover is of serious young woman who has just written "I hate you" in lipstick on a mirror, staring coldly at her reflection.  Now, doesn't that sound like a good story?  Think of it, a woman versus herself and torn apart by madness...how exciting!

Meh.

I've come to expect a lot from madness books.  There's so many complex emotions in insanity, and when presented correctly it's perfectly thrilling.  However, this book wasn't about the madness at all.  It was a friggin' soap opera.

How did this book suck?  Let me count the ways.
1. Lackluster plot.
2. Undercutting its own drama.
3. No real characterization.
4. Vastly underdeveloped writing style.
5. Ignoring the specifics of schizoaffective disorder.

There might be other things, but for now we'll stick to these, as they are the main functions of what exactly is wrong with this story.  Yes, I'm going to spoil this story at lot, but since there's nothing to it anyway, you're not losing anything.

Let's start backwards.  Number 5 is the absolute worst thing wrong with this book: ignoring the very thing that makes someone want to read this book in the first place.  It mentions the disorder, shows a couple of mad episodes, but in the end I know nothing more about the disorder, only that it makes people paranoid that other people are scheming against them.  This story seems to be about family drama without any real theme or point to it.  Come on, where's the struggle against madness?

4 is a problem that all writers go through at some point.  No one starts off as a good writer.  We all go through a stage where we think we know crap about writing, but in the end only everyone else can see the noobs that we really, truly are.  Writers can be underdeveloped in many ways.  They can ignore emotion and just write block for block what happens, they can rush through parts they think are uninteresting, they can use all these fancy-schmances words and references that they don't really know how to use effectively, and they can write boring dialogue that no one would actually say in real life. 

This book is guilty of all of the above, hence the "vastly" part.  I mean, holy crap!  Why the crap was this published, other than for cheap relationship fantasy?

Let me show you an example from the book.

"He dashed back inside and grabbed the keys off the counter and sprinted down two fights of concrete steps with no shoes on.  He pressed the button on the keyless remote and the noise halted.  But his was not the only alarm that sounded.  Serita spied her smashed windshield and the brick that laid it to waste.  Ondie zeroed in on her standing there when the clamor from her car ceased.  Serita backed into the apartment like a frightened rabbit."

This is a description of Ondie discovering Serita at Dexter's (her baby's daddy) house.  Aigoo, it's like a dang kid wrote this mess.  They're obviously trying to sound dramatic, but this is a major fail.  I mean, if this were a first draft written during NaNoWriMo to be edited later, that would be one thing, but I am astonished at any publishing company that would put this in print.  Why aren't there any commas?  Why isn't there a description of Ondie that makes her as frightening to the reader as she is to Serita?  Why are they describing flat statuses rather than action?\

Hint, writer peeps.  If something is happening, like a dog is chewing on a bone, say the dog's chewing on a bone.  Don't just say he had a bone in his mouth or something dull like that.  Describe an action like an action, and your words will play like a movie.

Okay, I will attempt to write something a bit better, because I'm an arrogant nerd-girl and I can.

"At the sight of his former love (the woman who'd had his child!) beating up on his Jeep with a branch, Dexter dashed back inside, snatching his keys before he dashed right back out.  He ignored the impact of his bare feet on the concrete as he rushed down the stairs to stop the mad woman.  The first order of business was to get his car alarm off -- he by no means wanted to attract more of his neighbors' attentions to this mess.  As he clicked the panic button on his keys, he realized that his alarm wasn't the only one going off.

Shaking like reed in a storm, Serita peeked her head out the door.  It was every bit as bad as she thought it was: Ondie had taken a break from his jeep to start with her Ford.  A brick appeared in Ondie's hand, tightly gripped.  Serita watched in terror as her sister angrily swung her arm, casting the thing smack into her now shattered windshield. 

As if knowing that she was being watched, Ondie's eyes snapped straight up, focusing solely on baby sister Serita.  She stared into Ondie's bloodshot glare, regretting it instantly.  There was no pain in the older girl's eyes, no betrayal or tears.  There was only hate, a hate married to the worst sort of rage imaginable.  It was then that the younger sibling knew that what she was seeing was not Ondie.  It was the devil."

There, I think that's a bit more dramatic.  That's the way a madman should be portrayed, as someone outside of themselves.  Thing is, a lot of authors have trouble with something I call "dwell".  Dwell is basically where you take an emotion and just dwell on it, expounding it and making the emotion come closer to the reader.  Too much dwell can be bad, but I've found that most often it's the opposite problem that occurs.

Okay, so let's start at the beginning.  This story starts off more or less following Ruth, the mother of these two girls.  Once Ruth's mother dies (in the most cliched way possible), the story sort of goes on to tell, not show (bad, bad, bad!) exactly why Ruth's marriage goes south -- her daugher Ondie shows signs of the disorder and the time this consumes puts a strain on Ruth's marriage to Kenny.  Then it goes on a continuous loop of being focused on Ondie, Serita, and Ruth.  You can really tell that this author is far too feminist for her and her readers' good.  I guess the story sorta runs around Ondie.  At one point the story is told a little bit through Dexter's parents, but since these people have no real plot importance, she really shouldn't have bothered. 

It's okay to have the perspective jump a bit to show what other characters are thinking, but in the end it's best to keep your story being seen through the eyes of one character or two to four characters whose story is interwoven.  I dunno, maybe if this story had some sort of united theme, then the jumpy perspective would be okay.  There's just no themes to this book.  Overall, it's just like coming in to work and listening to your friend gossip about a coworker and her family's mental history, and just about as well told.

Let's get some more into those negative points.  This story had no real characterization mainly because it pretty much refused to make characters reveal anything deep going on in their heads.  You can tell that the author thought of these as 3D people, but she really didn't bring the characters' depth into the story. 

For example, she says that Ondie's doctor, Dr. Mathis, was a nice guy, but you really don't get to see him do anything much of worth for Ondie.  His advice is flat, his descriptions lack emotion, and he doesn't do anything in the plot other than listen to Ondie and say hi to people. 

Maya, Ondie's daughter, is constantly being shuffled from daycare to Grandma Ruth's, to Dexter's, and then back to daycare.  You rarely get to see her do anything that makes her distinctive from other children.  She worked with paints a lot, so the author could have made her a good artist or something.  But no, Maya is merely another under five little girl, cute but only there to die dramatically and cause her mother no end of grief.  She's practically a redshirt.  Yeah, Maya dies in an accident just after Serita discovers that she's pregnant with Dexter's kid.  Harsh, no?

That's also an example of how Lewis really undercuts her own drama.  Maya is barely there and then she dies, leaving behind no impression of herself in the reader's mind other than a vague shadow of a two year old.  Also, one of the dramatic points of the story is that Ondie supposedly wants Dexter back.  However, early on she meets Paul, the hunky Jamaican guy.  In the other book, the one about the woman who rejects badly written novels, she explained that you're supposed to hold back your character's hope/good things/victories until the near end of the story.  I know one person who really should have listened....

Also, Ondie is the dang luckiest person in the world.  Her mom does everything she can to help her, she's got a dang hot Jamaican man to hang on to, Dexter doesn't press charges when she wrecks his jeep and knocks him down his steps, she manages to get out of a 90 day stint in a mental hospital without a hint of trouble, she keeps her job even after that, and Paul still stays with her throughout all her mental breakdowns.   Yawn.  Let me know when something interesting happens.  Well, they did have that small thing where Ondie thought Paul was cheating on her, but that passed quickly and without any real incident.

Honestly, this story could have been really good.  It could have been dramatic and told with intimate detail the plight of a mentally damaged person.  As is, it's a stupid soap opera where we have no clue what anyone is thinking at any time.  Ruth is obsessed with getting her girls to talk and work things out, but once Ondie smashes the cars and Serita has her baby, Serita gets so afraid that she pulls out a restraining order on Ondie.  Even then Ruth doesn't give up, and yet we are never really shown any true emotions about how Ruth feels.  She's just doing it for form's sake.

So yeah, lackluster plot in the sense that there is no real sense of accomplishment.  Only people just sleeping around without thinking about it and no one even bothering to tell anyone to have some moral standards.  It's all just a bunch of selfish people wanting what they want and never really considering how other people feel.  Ruth wants her girls to get along, Serita wants Ondie to leave her alone, Derrick wants to have a normal family, Kenny wants to defend his daughters (he does a terrible job), Derrick's parents want him to stay away from that family, and apparently Ondie wants Serita to suffer. 

Yeah, that's right.  At the end of the book, Serita starts suffering from postpartum depression, and this seems to lead her down a path that could possibly be schizoassociative disorder.  At this point, and only at this point, does Ondie finally calm down.  She had a boyfriend that could only exist in a book, a good job, and she managed to avoid most of the serious consequences of her actions. 

But no, these don't sway her any.  She doesn't calm down at all until Serita is put under mental examination by Derrick.  In fact, this makes her so happy that she tells Dr. Mathis that "the beast that she can't control" is gone.  She finally decides to leave well enough alone and stop aggravating an already bad situation.  If she could have done this before she smashed up Derrick's and Serita's cars, then she would have been spared a lot. 

That is insanely stupid.  That's like saying you can only heal once you get revenge or feel justified.  Was that the dang theme of this book?  A little thing called self-control would have stopped all this nonsense from occuring.  Heck, it's making me thing that this disorder is an emotional disease, caused by stress or something.  I dunno, like the sins of the fathers passing to the the sons...or mothers to daughters, as the case may be. 

In any case, it was not worth staying up late to read this nonsense.  No real madness, no real plot, no real themes, and a seriously underdeveloped writer. Next!

Music You've Probably Never Heard -- Andy Hunter

Hey y'all, it's time for another session of Music You've Probably Never Heard.

Now, I like techno. That should be abundantly clear to anyone who's read my blog. Thing is, a lot of techno seems to be repetitive and all about the artist rather than about making good music. It's a modern thing. Back in the 90s, particularly the first half, is the glory period of the genre. Nowadays everybody's remixing everybody's songs, which is why there's forty million inane remixes of the same classic song, and only rarely are these remixes actually worth it. In all this nonsense and bullcrap, I present to you an artist that's actually making new stuff. And this new stuff is good.

His name is Andy Hunter, and he's a DJ from Britain. This guy was introduced to me by a friend of mine when we were driving in the car to a friend's house. This dude is worth a listen, particularly if you're not into the darkest stuff like I am. He concentrates on making stuff that is artistic and yet listenable, and beautiful with or without lyrics. He's hard to classify, as some of his stuff is more dramatic and others are trancier. Still others are just fun dance stuff. I'd call this guy a producer of modern electro pop or electro dance. General house, at least.

Let's kick this off with a good one, shall we?

Come On: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGYjxiGsy8g

Come On is a great song. The beginning is very dramatic, but it quickly jumps into a pulsing beat that's highly energizing. This is not a song you can just listen to for five seconds and move on. If you do, you lose out. This song is not static. You really just need to get this music playing as you're going down the road or messing on the computer, or biking. Good stuff, good stuff.

You want a song with lyrics? Pssht, who needs lyrics? What, really? Well, okay then.

Stars: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCxMoeEJexU

Yeah, normally I don't require lyrics in what I listen to (or lyrics that I understand), but heck, these rock. Or they would if they were less chill. Now, this song is very mellow, very poetic, and if you like to relax to music, then this is your tune. It's perfect for being out at night and just cruising in your car. Heck, I think most of Andy's stuff is good car trip material. Better get it on iTunes or somethin', because you won't regret it.

Lifeline: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHIGBKUiR2k

One of the things I really like about Andy Hunter is that he is unapologetically Christian. He's not there to get all up in your face, but at the same time he's not going to fudge about his beliefs. We all really need the things that only God can bring, and that's what this song is about. It starts off kinda mellow, but then it starts jumping and kicking, being all awesome and stuff. This is my favorite, okay, no second favorite Andy Hunter song. It's just so much dang fun.

Open My Eyes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKAwWQjLew0

This song is really pulsing, really awesome. It's not as good as Lifelight, I think, but it's not bad at all. It's fun stuff!

Sapphire: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opPTElqesQI

You are legally required to listen to this song. No, really. Sapphire is one of the pwnest things I have ever heard in my life, and it is the pwnest of the pwn. It's a very story-esque piece, telling a story without words. Stop what you're doing right now and click the dang link above. It is your duty! It has this really awesome old-fashioned feel to the music...definitely my favorite.

Let's change up this feel with another favorite of mine.

System Error: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIRYIo4D3Dw

This song doesn't have but two words as its lyrics, and it doesn't need any more. This song just rocks out, is totally weird, and totally uplifting in a weird rock/tech sort of way.

You know what a really good addition to techno is? Or electronic music in general? Black people. EDM and black people is like chocolate and caramel: awesome together. Chicago House is a great genre, for example, because it's all soulful and not pretentious. One of my favorite kinds of songs to hear is black folk songs from like the 1800s (or at least sound like that) done all up in techno. Huh, I really should do an entry about black people in music at some point. Sounds like a good idea for February.

Anyway, for right now, Andy Hunter has done a song sort of in this area, or at least has a really soulful singer. Honestly, it's songs like these that make Andy hard to classify. Check out this song. It really has nothing to do with the others, but it's still good.

Miracle: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ra1wx8jlWqA

Okay, here's another odd one, very meditative and spiritual. This song is deeper than anything I've ever posted, and is really for getting closer to God. Listening to this just makes you want to be quiet and listen. It really feels me with a sense of humility. A lot of trance tries to pretend that it's spiritual, but it's really that cheap knock-off spirit crap that basically lends credence to every spiritual thing out there. Well, I got news for you, peeps: not all spiritual is alike, and not all of it is good. This song, however, is. So listen to it, why don't you? Lift your hands and open your heart, this stuff is for real.

Translucent: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hs3TXH7ey4

This next song, Technicolor, is another reason why Andy is so dang hard to put in a set musical genre. Andy Hunter just pwns. This song just is weird as crap in the beginning, then gets into a synthpop/black gospel groove. Quintessential party groove right there. Pretentious people, leave your drama behind.

Technicolor: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yd-2v5izhxQ

Let's finish this entry off with some weird techno mess, shall we? This next song is some crazy mess that is all out party. It leans a little more towards techno, but technically speaking it's still house music. This is called Radiate. It's all about the party, all about movement. You just have to check this out.

Radiate: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gj26p8J6ofQ

I seriously hope Andy Hunter gets more popular. He deserves it. So much pop crap today sounds all the same like it all came out of a cookie cutter. All the genres are suffering from stagnation these days, mostly because music is being more about the artists than it is about people. Okay PSA to all artists out there, underground or glitzy pop. Music is best when it's all about the person listening, not about how great the artist is. People want songs they can connect to, not crap about how much money the artist has, or the latest boring trite the artist has to say.

So that's why Andy Hunter's line of work is so refreshing. It doesn't sound like all the pop nonsense that's out there, and it doesn't even have to stray into the darker, more industrial side of techno to do so. See, good music can be both relaxing and not boring crooners singing boring things to boring tunes.

Crap We Read at School

I was thinking the other day about the people who say we shouldn't read The Adventures of Huck Finn in school because it's racist or something. I don't think it is. I mean, the Jim character, a black guy, is a total weirdo, but that's how I always took it: he was weird and not black people in general. If the book claimed that all black people were like that, then I see what they would mean, but it's not like that. There are plenty of other weirdos besides.

This book wasn't the best thing ever and I preferred The Adventures of Tom Sawyer to it. I didn't like it a lot because it was really depressing at parts. I mean, you have a runaway slave struggling to get away and free his family too, Huck's dad shows up and pretty much kidnaps him in the attempt to steal his money, the "king" and the "duke" try to con a family who has suffered the recent death of important family members, those two get tarred and feathered, Jim gets captured again, and the kindly widow dies. the book ends on a mildly happy note with Jim being free and Huck being taken in by some of Tom's relatives, yet the story isn't over for Jim and Huck doesn't want to be civilized. This just wasn't the fun ride that Tom's story was, which was kind of surprising considering it was about two guys having adventures as they raft down a river.

So yeah, a sad book. And that's when I start thinking about all the other crap that they made us read in school. Each title is a work of more or less depressing crap. Huck Finn is literally the best book that we had to read there, unless you count Shakespeare. I'm not surprised that a lot of the kids didn't bother reading this stuff.

Let's see, there's The "Great" Gatsby. UGH. That had to be the worst crap they forced us to get through. Oh man was it ever lame. It was basically a story of how this dude was cheating on his wife with this chick, but it was cool because that chick had her on guy on the side. And apparently it's a mortal sin to be a poor man, or else you just can't ever get married. Seriously, this one woman cheated on her husband because he wasn't rich, and this other chick would only sleep around with the narrator, a middle class guy, and nothing more. In the end the two people who most deserve to be punched in the face get off scot-free. Pardon me sir, but could you spare a Scot or two? There's a couple that needs  punching. Fresh out? Darn.

Another stupid story was The Glass Menagerie, a weird little story about a normal family that for some reason is completely emo. I don't remember much of it, but really, there's no need. It was one of those stories with no real point to it. All I know is that it was sad and the brother broke the girl's glass animals. Yawn.

Let's see, another one was called something like A Doll's House or Doll House or some crap by Henrik Ibsen. This one didn't make me want to shoot myself, but it was still pretty lame. It was basically about a couple who were becoming distant, and then the wife realizes she never really understood her husband so she leaves him. But don't worry, it's okay because the dude is selfish and likes embroidery better than knitting. Sarcasm is so hard to write. I mean, I understand if you leave a jerk husband, but this guy wasn't that bad. What made it worse is that they had children already, and this lady just decides she's going to leave just like that because the children are just dolls she plays with in her doll house. The story ends on her departure, and the husband, a little tipsy, proclaims that he understands something. Depressing. Okay, maybe this book does make me want to shoot myself.

We had to read a couple fiction books set in Africa, and I think now that I prefer nonfiction from Africa, unless they're African legends. Or maybe the schools just pick out meh books and decide that they're classics. Cry, the Beloved Country was okay. Still depressing though. It's about the poverty and such in Johannesburg, and there's this pastor who lives out in the country. He was nice. One of the things he did in Johannesburg was try to rescue this one girl who had become a prostitute, but as he provides a way out, the girl runs away and returns to that life. The pastor goes home and nothing really changes. The story makes no progress, and you're left wondering why you bothered reading it. The best part of it was when they taught some Afrikaans words. That was cool.

On the other hand, Things Fall Apart was just weird. I mean, the story was okay and not disinteresting, but the title threw me off. How can things fall apart when they were never together in the first place? It starts off with this guy, Okonkwo, in an African tribe living the normal tribal life, but he's a total jerk. First, he steals a guy's wife (he has a total of 3 in the book), and then when one of his wives angers him, he shoots at her. He misses, but still. Also, since someone from another tribe murdered one of their tribe's people, Okonkwo takes in a boy from this tribe and practically raises him as his own, until the day when the leaders in the tribe decide to finally kill the boy. This is all the first part of the story. 

The second part is when white people start to arrive, and both good and bad things happen. There's basically no overall change. Things are different, but they don't fall apart. Okonkwo was always worried about his son Nwoye, and in the second part the boy becomes a Christian, further distancing himself from his non-understanding father. Okonkwo ends up hanging himself, but this feels very needless as Okonkwo's stubbornness is the cause of his own death - the suicide was completely unnecessary. If things fell apart for him, it was merely because he was far too proud. But again, it's depressing. Sheesh, can't the good guy win at something? Maybe learn to adapt?

And who can forget Arthur Miller's The Crucible? Me, or so I wish. It's the spiced up version of the Salem witch trials, in which any character we could possibly care about dies, and another guilty party gets away. The worst part about this story is that it was written as a metaphor for the Communist scare in Hollywood. It didn't go anything like the Salem witch trials! There were real Communists in Hollywood, trying to take over and create a Hollywood that hates America (oh wow, their scheme must have worked). They intimidated members of the Screen Actors Guild, and even threatened to throw acid in Ronald Reagan's face, as he was the president of the SAG at the time. I am full of rage at this blatant propaganda. And why don't I have any Scots?!

Another book that was okay and yet depressing was Their Eyes Were Watching God. The title was very misleading. It's about a biracial African American woman's life and misadventures in love. Janie Mae marries a dude on her mother's advice, only he turns out to be a jerk. So she runs off with this wealthy guy, who also turns out to be a jerk. But he dies. So Janie Mae finally finds true love in a poor but loving man, and marries him. And then there's this flood and he gets rabies and has to be shot. Yeah. The only point where they happen to be watching God is when the flood is going on. For the rest of the book, the characters ignore any above influence and do as they please. This is another one of those books where you wonder why you bothered. Unless you like tragic romance, I guess.

So we did learn a bit of Shakespeare, and unfortunately that's really the only classical literature we got into. Did we get to look at any of the comedies? Nope! Romeo and Juliet and Macbeth were the Shakespeare we read. I wish we had done more. I never really could sift through the Shakespearean vocabulary, and reading these in class were a lot of fun, despite that I could never understand them on my own. And I still can't. But that's another two depressing tragedies on the list. Oh wait, I think we did Hamlet too.

So the last I can remember at the moment is Jane Eyre, the story of a girl who was raised for a few years by an abusive aunt and then sent off to an oppressive school only to become a teacher there. She becomes a governness for a man, Rochester, in an estate, who has lived a nuts life and lost to death a lot of his family (as it was with Jane). They finally fall in love, but then Jane find out that he's married to an insane woman, and she's not comfortable marrying him if he's still already married. She runs away and works with this missionary dude and his associates for a while. The missionary wants to marry her before they go off on a missions trip, but Jane objects because she doesn't love him. Feeling that Rochester needs her, Janes goes back and finds out that his crazy wife burned down the house. Rochester now is missing an arm and is blind, but they are able to get married. Yeah. The whole book is soaked in a soggy bog of depression and general state of unhappiness until the very end, when Rochester recovers enough of his sight to see their son. I had intended to read this book again, but after looking at the spark notes, no. Ain't no way.

I'm starting to like Things Fall Apart better. Compared to some of these others...

Look at that. Every single book we were forced to read in school is depressing. Each of them deal with the struggles of people not against a clear enemy, but against things that should be on their side: their parents, other family, religion, their spouse, their culture, whatever. All of their victories are stained by tragedy, and none of the books leave you with a sense of uplifting. They have no delight, no eucatastrophe (but plenty of the opposite), no strength of character, no boldness and no bravery. These books simply cannot be enjoyed (Shakespeare aside) in anything but a literary sense - in that you feel that you are cultured and smarter for having read them.

I like lists! The things these books have in common:

- rebellion against some standard

- lots of sadness

- no clear enemy to fight directly to solve your problems

- self-righteous main characters

Ask yourself: why did the schools choose these books for your children to read? What are they trying to teach your children? To not read, apparently. And it's working.

Please don't take away Huck Finn! It's the best book on this dang list -- there's no way the schools would let you read something as imaginative as Tom Sawyer. Thank God for Shakespeare. He's so classical that he has to be read, and he's a break in the trite "modern literature" age. Ah, I need me a good C.S. Lewis book right about now. Not only is he clever, interesting, and not too afraid of cultural taboos to tell the truth about modernism, but he's plain entertaining. Give me some characters with some flaws. Delicious flaws and bad habits! Not sordid main characters that think they know everything about morality and say "screw you if you disagree"!

So, if you read this, please put down an author or book title that doesn't stink. I'd like to read something good please. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go find some Scots now.

Music You've Probably Never Heard -- Gaelic Storm

Hey y'all!  Let's listen to some music.

Okay, so I'm a Irish person by ethnicity, and there are a lot of things I love about Irish styles.  Generally Irish people have three distinctive style types: singing very sad songs about real life, singing songs with harsh, mean, or violent lyrics with an extremely upbeat tune, and finally singing ridiculously happy songs about things that are not even possible.  The first song I ever heard by this band was called Johnny Tarr, and it falls into the last category.  It follows the story of a "hard drinking son of a preacher" and his ability to drink bartenders out of stock.  Honestly, this is the kind of song you can just listen to over and over again and enjoy it every time.  You just have to learn the lyrics and sing along!

Johnny Tarr: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlqdqNGhJaA

This song was made by Gaelic Storm, and I just had to get more of their stuff after I heard this song.  I swear that this band is the most addictive thing ever!  Why you've never heard of these guys is beyond me.  I mean, I hang out in hardcore rave city, and I'm all about these guys.  You don't even have to be Irish to love them.  You'll wish you were though.

Okay, so I'm going to review their album Special Reserve, because I own it.  Or I would if I could find the darn cd.  I'm just lucky I copied most of it on my computer before I lost the darn thing.  Remember, don't just listen to two seconds of these and then skip away.  Really play these songs and listen to the whole thing.  That's the real pleasure of them.

Track one is a traditional Irish song, Courtin' in the Kitchen.  I liked it okay, it's a bit cheesy for me, but it's fun nonetheless.  I'm sorry I couldn't find a normal version of it, but here's a link to a live performance.  They didn't have a normal version on youtube.

Courtin' in the Kitchen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jIYj4pIW18

Johnny Tarr is next, and if you don't like this song then you are the most pretentious person in existence, I hope you realize.  

Next is The Schooner Lake Set, a lyricless piece that was done for a movie.  There's no video for it on youtube, I'm sorry to say, but it's a great song that's filled with bagpipes and drums and great to just listen to while you...I dunno, clean the house or write a book or something.  Fun Irish stuff.

The Leaving of Liverpool and Drink the Night Away are actually two fairly similar songs in mood and theme.  The Leaving of Liverpool is about an Irishman leaving for America to gain fortune, leaving his love behind for the time being.  It's one of those songs that's sad, but with an upbeat tune.  It's very nice.  I actually like Drink the Night Away, as more of the sadness shows through its merry beat.  The bridge is especially dramatic, and it makes me happy.  It's a very contented song despite itself, and a lot of fun as it talks about going off to make more money and a fortune, though this one seems to be more about leaving friends than a specific love.

The Leaving of Liverpool: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4wEjAtPaQA

Drink the Night Away: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3n1ZXdKQrQ

After Hours at McGann's is another lyricless piece, one that's fun and merry.  It's more casual than the Schooner Lake Set, but it's still got lots of fun too it.  Again, youtube is being aggravating.  Grr.  Come on people.

Swimmin' in the Sea is actually a song I don't like.  The tune and singing wail mournfully, and it's something I really hate. It's actually sort of a sweet song about the singer's childhood, and listening to it again...well, it's not quite as bad as I thought. I'm still not really into it, but look at it and see if you like it.

Swimmin' in the Sea: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gz0mx-6nG8E

This next song is the most addictive song on this dang cd.  I let my friend listen to this, and he couldn't get over how fun it was.  It's the story of a man whose life went completely wrong, either by a woman or alcohol.  And that's the best part of this song, as it doesn't say which one is the real culprit but poetically equates wayward women to booze.  It's hilarious.  Match that with a fun beat, and it's one of the greatest songs I've ever heard. It has a long intro, but the lyrics are well worth the wait.

Nancy Whiskey: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0TBwFLW4GY

She was the Prize slows down the cd and get sentimental.  It's a really sweet song about a man and his true love, and it almost makes me cry.  It's very sweet.  Take a listen, y'all.

She was the Prize: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0O2cH_PnMc

Johnny Jump Up/Morrison's Jig is another powerhouse of the disc.  Plain and simply, it rocks.  It's a song about an impossible cider that does a multiplicity of hilarious things.  You're gonna love this one. Gah, I have so many memories of my boyfriend singing this terribly off-tune.  

Johnny Jump Up/Morrison's Jig: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u56R_qHTLVI

Next is Titanic Set.  That's right, these guys were in Titanic.  I bet you forgot all about them if you saw that movie, didn't you?  This is a pretty good song, very peppy and nice.  Feels like two songs in one.

Titanic Set: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LT3XH1ikHk

Ah, now this song is fun.  It's Tell Me Ma, a fun song about men flirting with a pretty girl.  It's very silly, but you've just got to hear it.  Fun as mess.

Tell Me Ma: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlx9tkVpyxI

This album finishes up with Beggarman, the most hyper and lyrically tangled up of the bunch. You've really got to be hardcore to keep up with all these words.  It's a very fast song about the life of a beggar who makes his own life and enjoys every bit of it, just as you'll do with this song.

Beggarman: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1RkCQKpyllU

Before I leave off, I want to include a song that isn't on this album, but I just heard about and really want to share with you.  It's honestly the funniest thing ever.  It tells the true story of the time the lead singer of this band literally punched Russell Crowe in the face.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xtVipOjTEE

Well, they've done a lot of songs over the years, but I'll let you find more of them.  They are a very silly, fun band, one of the most fun you'll ever encounter. 

Nitpickery -- Mega Man movie review

Hey y'all. I know I said I was going to review Disney princess movies, but for my lack of ownership of them (and my desire to not steal) I'm going to have to delay this for a bit. Besides, there are other things I want to review because they are interesting to me. I'm going to be reviewing a fan film, done entirely out by non-professionals, in particular Eddie LeBraun, the director. They actually did a pretty good job for what they had, though I'm going to nitpick them anyway, because that's what I do. Overthinking is fun! Yay!

Okay, so this film is called Mega Man. I kept thinking that "Get Equipped" was part of the title, but that's just the tagline. Anyway, it's basically a retelling of the plot of the first Mega Man game on the original NES. Man those were the days. I miss 'em. I'm just old enough to barely remember a commercial for the Game Genie that actually came on TV years ago. Anybody remember that? Naturally with my love of original video games (it hasn't been long enough for them to be retro!), I just had to see this film. I'm kinda shocked how good aspects of it are. I think we're going to see more of LeBraun as time goes by.

So the story of the movie goes thusly: Dr. Light and Dr. Wily are genius robotics scientists that have just developed a line of robot masters that will perform duties to make life easier for humans. After Dr. Wily is expelled from the project, Dr. Light and his robot "daughter" Roll proceed to build another robot, this one called Rock. Jealous of Light's fame and accolades, Dr. Wily steals the robot masters and uses them to devastate Fujiwara City. Rock decides to risk his life and become Mega Man, a fighter robot capable of taking down Wily and putting an end to the terror. He his helped from time to time by the mysterious Blues (AKA Proto Man) who is Dr. Light's first creation, a robot that ran away from the lab to seek his own fate.

This movie is actually visually effective for something not on a big budget. The cinematics of it are great, and the camera angles do their best to show off the places where these are filmed. I'm pretty sure that it was filmed in New York, but the movie calls it Fujiwara City. In the games it was Monstropolis, but whatever. The name change isn't a big deal. S'all good. It's not like Monstropolis is all that great a name anyway.

So, yeah, the way it was filmed was definitely the best part of this film. Being a fan film, they simply didn't have the budget to make something too spectacular, as far as fight scenes and costuming went. Also, they couldn't show anything blowing up, because naturally this was filmed in a city and you can't blow up public property. Not without getting arrested, anyway. So, there's no damage to the city from the rampaging masters, a column of smoke looks very solid, and trying to make Cut Man's hand blades fly out convincingly makes creative battles take a hit.

The movie opens up with Dr. Light doing a check up on Roll right before a reporter is due to show up and put Dr. Light and his new robot masters on television to gain exposure and begin to sell them commercially. I have a bit of a problem with this scene: why is Dr. Light letting a reporter into his lab when this is also his house? That's a security compromise, to say the least. Tyler Perry filmed Diary of a Mad Black Woman partially at his house, and he eventually had to move because people knew what his house looked like and wouldn't leave him alone. I'm just saying, it's probably better for Dr. Light to pick a warehouse or some neutral site to display his creations.

Also, the camera (the one the reporter's camera man is holding) is pretty close to the reporter's face at one part. You can't imagine he's getting a good shot. Even worse is when the reporter is signing off, and the camera, instead of letting the robots be in the background (which any reporter would want to showcase), lets a very moody Wily be very clearly on camera and brood. I know that LeBraun probably wanted to show Wily's jealously, but there are other ways to go about it.

Before I get too much further, let's talk about the acting job of the first actors to come on. The reporter and camera man were fine in acting, though I felt the reporter was slightly too cheesily done. Decent enough. Can't complain. The real gem of the first part, and indeed all of the movie, is Jeanie Tse as Roll. She's friggin' perfect. She's not particularly how I view Roll is, but she's even better. Jeanie is perfect in the part of playing a robot who is silly, sweet, and a bit too abrupt to be human. The slight awkwardness and total sugar innocence Tse brings to this character really brings about the idea of what Roll always was supposed to be in the games. In the Mega Man universe there's always been a thematic conflict between fighting wars and innocence, and this Roll stands perfectly on the side of innocence. She doesn't understand evil, and doesn't try.

Some people who watched this commented that Roll was annoying, but they're wrong. I'm calling it like it is. Any annoyance she has is like C3P0's in Star Wars: perfectly fitting for the realm in which it's portrayed. Certain people are probably too sensitive to that kind of thing, or maybe they just have a tag-along sister like Roll at home.

Ah, now the actors who played Dr. Light and Dr. Wily are Edward X. Young and Dave Maulbeck, respectively. These two characters side by side...okay, let's do this one at a time.  This is going to take some explaining.

Wily was fairly terrible, at least at first. A lot of people seemed to think that he stole the movie in the same sense that the Joker stole the movie The Dark Knight, and quite frankly it makes me ashamed that people have such an opinion of this Wily. He didn't do a great job. Then again, I haven't seen The Dark Knight, so whatever.

My criticism of this movie's Wily goes like this: he's pretty one-note. You're almost always seeing him through close-ups of his perpetually sweaty face (come on, makeup people) and he's always bickering about how important he is or how badly he's being treated. It's really annoying. Can't we see him chill for a minute and...I dunno, make a hot dog or do a crossword puzzle or something? Releasing the tension once in a while would help.

The way I always viewed Wily in the games was that he was always determined, and always ready to stack circumstances to make him look smarter.  I mean, come on, this guy has been defeated by Mega Man like ten times already without showing sign that he'll ever give up. He's got to be the most arrogant and gleefully evil baddie ever. Seeing Maulbeck whine and complain for the first two thirds of the movie was annoying. Wily might whine, but he's never unable to compliment himself and enjoy his intelligence. This is the Wily we get to see the last half hour of the film, one who is confident and boastful until the very last second. That I appreciated.

Also, his accent was very annoying. I think they were trying to go for something Germanic, but it really came across as a partly Russian accent, and a bad one at that. He's too deliberate in his constant turning of Ws into Vs. Gah. It was really distracting. I really hope they weren't trying to for a Russian accent, because that just doesn't seem like Wily, and if LeBraun wanted to do a sequel with the Russian Dr. Cossack, it just wouldn't fit right.

As far as looks go, I was pretty annoyed at first that Wily wasn't portrayed by a bald man. After a while, I let it go. It wasn't important for the character to look note for note like the game version, and this one wasn't too bad, other than being perpetually sweaty and having hair look like it was painted. I kinda liked it in the end. However, his looks, satisfactory as they were, created a reality conflict with the looks of Ed Young.

Let me explain. Maulbeck had a goofy, parodiacal appearance and over-emotive acting. Dr. Light's actor was the exact opposite: he was played by a guy who actually was older, and looked genuine rather than being some guy in a costume. I absolutely adored how LeBraun actually found a guy who could pull off the Dr. Light style, but this guy's acting had the exact opposite problem as Maulbeck's. He was very dull sounding, and it rarely felt like any of the serious topics he spoke of had any real emotional connection to him. He rambled on in the same mild tone without really making me believe he cared about anything going on.

It would have helped if he added more physical movement to his acting. Little things, like sighing, or rubbing his head, or scratching his ear, or fiddling with some technological whatnot. Maybe if he's upset he can slam a screwdriver down on a table. When he moved like this (very rarely in the film) it was a far more believable performance.

So, when you put these actors side by side, it really looks weird. Young looks very real and serious, while Maulbeck looks goofy and trying to make people laugh. It's just impossible to take this work seriously when both are side by side. It's like putting a clown in a movie where intense jurors are trying to decide if a man is guilty of murder. For the most part, I blame Maulbeck (or the way Dr. Wily was written) because this film more or less tried to have a serious tone about robots trying to understand humanity. Alternatively, LeBraun could have gone a more silly route and thus Maulbeck would have fit in better, but as is Wily wasn't a good villain. I mean, sure he's supposed to be an angry, jealous, emotional guy, but at the same time this dude is dangerous. It's very difficult for me to take whiners seriously. For most of this movie, I didn't feel the danger that should have been eminating from him. 

Let's move on. After the interview, Dr. Light takes Dr. Wily into his office and tells him that he's fired, thus ending their friendship (I'm going to cut out spoilers after this, but this isn't too huge a point, so don't worry). My problem with this is the excuse Dr. Light gives him: he wants to work on his new robot by himself. Well, he's just made a bunch of other robots, so why can't he just work on his robot by himself and let Dr. Wily handle making more commercial bots to supply the inevitable demand that his interview would bring? There are plenty of other reasons to fire Wily. Like his bad attitude and hygene. Or maybe Dr. Light already suspects that Dr. Wily is a looney. It's weird that we never see Dr. Light and Wily really being friends. I mean, Light put up with Wily for a reason.

Actually, y'know what? You don't actually have to make it so Dr. Wily was fired. You could have him just get pissed off really bad one day and just steal the robot masters with the access he has already. Maybe the new robot, Rock, will be so good at assisting Dr. Light that Dr. Wily just gets pissed off and starts blowing stuff up. I would have loved to see Wily interact with Rock before their fight against each other.

During the next part, Dr. Light works on Rock while Wily complains some more to his sentient AI computer Olga, played by Elizabeth Lee. Now she was a pretty good actress, and her accent, while still more Russian than German, actually sounded good. Too bad they don't really use her for anything. She's just kinda there for a couple of scenes and "poof", away she goes, never to be seen again. She has a couple of jokes, but overall her lack of a background or a future makes her pretty irrelevant.

Okay, this is a PSA to all people writing baddies: don't have them rant and rave about revenge and outdoing the good guys and then the good guys just forget all about it and get surprised when the baddie does something evil. In this movie it wasn't as bad as others, but still.

The scheme to make Fujiwara City suffer continues, and the six robot masters start causing mayhem. Rock chooses to upgrade into a fighter-bot and call himself Mega Man, because there is no one else to stop Dr. Wily.

Let me stop right there for a second. Okay, if a movie maker doesn't have the ability to make something show up in your movie, he shouldn't reference it. I'm talking about the lesser robots, like Sniper Joes and the like that you fight in the game on the way to the bosses. It's obvious this movie didn't have enough money to make complex lesser baddies, so they should have made the plot circle around their absense, not point it out glaringly. Ooh, I have an idea. If mindless robots were needed to imply the extent of Dr. Wily's control over the city, then combine the Sniper Joes and Mettools. Have people wearing all black, including masks, and then put a met helmet on them. Boom! There you go! They can be the generic baddies to spice up action scenes.  Maybe they have a shield, they definitely have guns, and you can call them Metool Joes.  Fans would appreciate something like that.

Jun Naito plays Rock. He does an okay job. He is fairly convincing of being a more or less innocent robot who just wants to help. I wish they had been less "Oh, I don't want to fight" and more "I'll do whatever it takes to save the day", because that's the real attitude of Mega Man in the game: dorky and naiively heroic. Not too big a problem, though, and I enjoyed his performance. Not great, but hey, he did the job.

Y'know, I really like how Rock, Roll, and Blues are all Asian people. Mega Man as a series comes from Japan, so naturally these people would be Japanese. It's a pleasant change, and you can really tell that casting was done with proper actors in mind, of those who were available. Some of the commenters said that Rock was boring, and I guess I see where they come from with that. He's pretty good during the earlier parts of the movie, but towards the end he gets really dull from trying to be cool. I guess it's easier for people to play awkward characters than cool ones. Like in the Matrix how Neo is far more interesting at the beginning of the movie than he is at the end.

We have Elec Man, Ice Man, and Fire Man as the actors with body armor on, and Cut Man, Guts Man, and Bomb Man are the digitally created masters. I liked the digital guys, but my problem with them was that their personalities weren't very clear cut. The Mega Man 1 remake Mega Man Powered Up gave these robot masters cheesy personalities, and for the most part LeBraun follows these to a more serious extent (Powered Up was some cheese, man), it just didn't seem like the digital guys weren't distinctive enough. It wasn't the acting so much as the writing. You can call Fire Man delusional, Ice Man schizoid, and Elec Man arrogant, but there's no real way to describe the others this plainly. Whatever. At least they looked awesome. I particularly like how Cut Man's design was upgraded to make him look more deadly.

The live action robot masters were awesome! Fire Man's looks were great, but I had a problem with him. They made him obsessed with justice and think that Wily was doing the right thing, but the problem with that is there's no real logical connection between blowing things up and justice. He could have really bolstered Wily's performance by having Fire Man say things about all people being appreciated for their genius or somesuch like that. As it was, his words sounded like ranting. The actor, Hugo Salazar Jr (awesome name!), did a good job with what he had to work with, and I like how much crazier than the other robots he was.

Ice Man! Wayne Chang! Wayne was a perfect pick. He was so cute, just like Ice Man, and he did a good job bringing to life the master. However, of all the robot masters ever designed, Ice Man should have been the easiest to costume. He wears a cute blue parka in the game, but not in the movie. Why not? He would have looked a lot more distinctive and sweet. Come on....please? For me?

Alan Fung as Elec Man to me was the second greatest acting job in the movie. He was magnificent, and I really believed him as the macho, arrogant bastard that Elec Man definitely is. I wish he could have had a greater role in the movie, like stealing something (spoiler: the designs for Rock to make Copy Robot) from Dr. Light. He was just too devious a baddie to die so soon. And he had great hair. LeBraun does a sequel to this movie, he needs to cast Alan Fung as Quick Man. And in the meantime, somebody needs to cast Alan Fung in something else, because he has acting gravitas.

My one problem with Elec Man is the way he died. Well, not the physical way, because that was pwn, but who did it. Spoiler alert, go skip ahead if you don't want to read this. Proto Man kills him. I know that Proto Man is supposed to help Mega Man out, but until Mega Man 9, Blues never actually assisted Mega in any actual fighting, and that's only if you count Proto Man's downloadable play mode as plot canon (I don't). Even worse, Elec Man, a very dangerous master in the game, isn't able to damage Proto Man at all. Proto Man is a prototype to the newer robots, so shouldn't he be weaker? Lame.

Also, this movie is about Rock going to fight the robot masters because nobody else can. This bit really shoots that in the foot because if Proto Man can do so without incurring damage to himself, what's the point? It's a huge letdown. In Mega Man 3, Proto Man's first game appearance, he actually fights against Mega Man because he doesn't trust him right away. Couldn't they have done something like that? It would have been really intruiging if Proto Man thought Rock was just a stupid hero automaton Dr. Light made to save everyone. Or heck, save that entire plotline for a sequel, and just have PM do a cameo or two just to watch Rock and see what's up. Another idea would be to have him actually work for Dr. Wily because for whatever reason he's tricked into trusting Dr. Wily more. Something.

Spoilers are done now.

Okay, so let's talk about Sung-Mo Cho, who played Proto Man. Most of my complaints for him are due to faulty writing, not acting. He did a good job being the mysterious and slightly self-righteous Proto Man, and I can tell I would have enjoyed him more but for plot awkwardness. I mean, come on, (spoiler!) his free will results from a power core error? That's like saying a clock gets free will because its batteries started leaking. There are better ways to say he has free will. And since clearly Rock and Roll have free will themselves (Rock's choice to be a hero was his own, Roll's choice to make pancakes instead of eggs was her own), it's pretty ridiculous that fixing the error would make him an automaton. There's better ways to make him run away from home.

Also, the problems between Proto Man and his estranged creator are potentially very complex. I feel that they are oversimplified in this movie, and they more or less get resolved in the end. Come on, let some bitterness drag on a while for intruigue's sake! Instead Proto Man seems to be handled in the exact way to prevent LeBraun from having good drama for a sequel. Honestly, the subplot of Dr. Light's wife was fairly poorly done, and cutting out Proto Man would have given both it and Rock some time to develop. Of course, that sort of does tie LeBraun down to a sequel, and he'll probably want to change it up at some point. Bah, nobody ever does anything for the Mega Man 5 robots...they're my favorite...wah. Whine whine, complain complain.

Okay, so throughout the action of this movie, there are times when the action just slows to a crawl and Dr. Light gets out needless explosition. First of all, you'd be surprised how good a work is when it's trimmed down, and secondly, it's always better to show rather than tell. It feels like nobody can ask Dr. Light anything without him giving a long winded answer. And when Mega Man finally defeats the robot masters, the plot starts really kicking, only to be slammed in the face with how the fight with the yellow devil ends. Honestly, that plot point needed to be cut out entirely. Use the time on it to extend the fight with yellow devil and make it look awesome.

You know, in this Wily complains that Dr. Light isn't the only one who's lost someone. It would have been really interesting to find out that Olga was really Wily's dead sister that Wily put into a computer to save her life. Or maybe just have him muse over someone really important to him that died or left him, or something. That would have been cool. Not really necessary, but cool.

I really love Wily's freak out session when he finally loses at the end. It combines the hilarity of Wily begging for his life like in the games with the seriousness of Wily's real hurt from his lifelong rejection.

Okay, so to sum it all up, there are several things good and bad about this movie, but overall, it feels very much like the fanfiction I read over at fanfiction.net. It's an origin story for Mega Man, it doesn't go too far from the game's bounds and give it more creativity, and the plot feels clunky whenever it has to transition from one scene to the next. Writers will be very inspired for certain moments of a story they want to write, but in between those they have to figure out how they're going to make everything work.

This may have been a low budget film, but good writing costs only time, not money. The dialogue itself was fairly good, other than Dr. Light being forced to be Captain Exposition, Wily not being able to do anything but whine for the first hour, and Fire Man's ranting. If proper plot planning had been done, then much of the film's problems could have been avoided. As a writer, I see things like this and wonder how they happen. Writing alone would have turned this film around and made it much better. Costuming and a better computer budget would have helped, but not to this extent.

This film is fairly good if you are a fan, but for those of you who aren't into Mega Man or don't know what it is, it's a fairly standard action movie with a few cute moments. Heck, I like it despite all of its flaws. It's fun, silly, and in certain ways better than Hollywood could do. I look at this movie and see a great big wad of potential. Go to megamanfilm.com and click the link to check it out.

Music You've Probably Never Heard -- Ofra Haza

Hey y'all. It's time for some more music you've probably never heard. Y'know, when I pick music for this page, I generally choose artists who aren't mainstream to the normal audience. Therefore artists with their own popularity outside of the mainstream are still available for posting here. And that's why I'm picking Ofra Haza, someone who really deserved a lot more popularity that she got, and she did get a decent amount.

Ofra Haza was a Yemenite Jew, and she was discovered at the age of eight for her singing talent. Her voice has been described as nearly perfect. She sang mostly traditional Jewish songs, as well as eighties synthpop. During the nineties she drifted a little more into pop, but at the end of the day she was always better (in my opinion at least) at bringing out the wild sounds of the Middle East. Throughout the course of her career she released several albums, starred in a few films, and was offered to do concerts with Michael Jackson (which she turned down). She also provided vocals for the movie The Prince of Egypt, where she played the mother of Moses.

That's right, she sang River Lullaby: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GbI2Tlt55w

That's the thing. People know about this song, but they don't actually realize that she's got plenty of other stuff that's well worth listening to. There's plenty of things on iTunes for her. Her most popular song is by far Im Nin Alu, a traditional song that was rearranged for her and to really connect with mainstream worldpop sensibility. I personally prefer the original version, which is a more relaxed song that's fun to sing with your friends. The first line of the song declares "if all the doors on earth are locked, the doors of Heaven are always open". It's a beautiful Jewish song that's really touching.

Im Nin Alu (original): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2xNTzlFSk0
Im Nin Alu (Ofra version): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5px-ppcQDps

Ofra didn't start out popular. She starred in one film where she was the girlfriend of a very boring man, so the character burst out in song about how she is enamored of fashion, makeup and celebrities -- she's a frecha. Frecha is an arabic word that we don't quite have an equivalent to, but it basically means a shallow person only interested in the flashy things of life and having a good time. In certain communities this can be connotated into meaning "slut" or "loose", which is why the english title of this song is "the bimbo's song". It's kind of misleading, because that's not what the song is about and not something a girl like Ofra would stand for, but in any case the song itself is very fun. Though the movie has faded into pretty much obscurity, this song has remained Ofra's classic piece, one she is known for the most. I wish I had the outfit she wears in it.

Shir Ha'Frecha: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqAr-tfjwJY
Lyrics: http://www.hebrewsongs.com/song-shirhafrecha.htm

One of my favorite albums is Fantasy, a very weird eighties album that iTunes doesn't have (darn you iTunes!). It includes tracks like Yad Anuga, Fighter, a version of Galbi (Heart), and the title song Fantasy, which has the trippiest music video you've likely ever seen. I'm also going to include a later version of Galbi, because I like it better. Trippy eighties for the win!

Yad Anuga: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROoBR_WPxbg
Fighter: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5DO6N5UKwk
Galbi: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UnSh9N-qQY
Galbi (Sehoog Mix): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zgr0syGkR9I
Fantasy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOpBWPBz5GE

Here are some other great songs by her. One of my favorite ones is where she's literally singing out of the Bible, in Song of Solomon. It has no background music, making it one of her most remixed songs. It's just called Love Song. I wish I could put up the best remix, but it's no longer on youtube. I haven't really been able to find a very good mix of it, though one of the iTunes mixes is half-decent, if rather mellow. There's also Mm'mma, one of the songs I first found when I started searching for her work. This really shows off the extremes of her voice. A great mix was done of her song Taw Shee, and if you really want to party to something of hers, that's a great example. I also like Ma Omrot Einaich, a quieter, poetic piece. Check 'em out.

Love Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnYV0WFpiCg
Mm'mma: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFrxiCnXQnY
Taw Shee: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c1nFFP3yODg
Ma Omrot Einaich: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eoqR7_wDyr4

Oh hey, while I'm at it, check out Ya Ba Ye, a ridiculously awesome song about becoming famous and leaving home. Oh yeah, and here's this thing where she's hanging out with another Israeli singer, Aaron Amram. It's pretty awesome.

Ya Ba Ye: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jg1FCTyOck
????: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3epMfijuxJ0

Her last album to come out was a self-titled album that came out in 1997 and drifted into more mainstream pop. I'll go into detail for this album, because I actually have the cd. This too they don't have on iTunes. Sheesh, what is it with iTunes and not having the albums I want? The first track is Show Me, a song referring to Jewish traditions. It's pretty good. A bit fluffy for me, but still a fun piece.

Show Me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjDWbwQLyZI

Track two is Amore, a melodramatic piece that's still wonky enough to really be interesting. It's a romantic song, and if you're a lovey dovey sort of person (I'm not really) then you'll like it.

Amore: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UShLFn6ldAs

Track 3 is the worst remix of Im Nin Alu ever. First of all, it's only a little more than her classic remix, secondly, what it does add doesn't enhance the song at all. Just for the sake of completion I'll post a link, but don't bother with it if you don't feel like. I'll throw in another remix for you, one that I don't know the artist's name. For that remix, just ignore all the disturbia crap and listen to the song. That's my favorite non-Ofra mix of the song, and I can only hope that someone else gets the sense to make a good music video of it. There's forty bajillion mixes of this song on youtube, but as is the case with overremixed tunes, most of them are meh at best.

Im Nin Alu 2000: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0TKXyUbxPw
Im Nin Alu (ignore the video mix): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ie68bJ-T-JU

Okay, so now we get to a good song. Sixth Sense is a song about hearing from God, and how much of a mystery it is. This song saddens me because I've heard from God some, and it kind of implies that it's impossible. That annoys me. But that's a personal problem, so go ahead and listen to it anyway.

Sixth Sense: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFK9W4iK5KE

My Ethiopian Boy is pretty good, but it annoys me with its pop-sensibility. It's just way too pretentious. As a demi-undergrounder, every time a celebrity sings or talks about foreign countries, I get dubious. I just don't trust famous most people to talk sensibly and realistically about different cultures. I mean, if you have a hard time going to the more country parts of the USA, then I don't trust you to take a logical stance about all people different from you. There's good and bad about all peoples, and glorifying more obscure peoples simply for the exploitation of it in your music just makes me sick. Okay, enough ranting. This song is....eh, decent, but it's way too pop. Ethiopian people are pretty pwn, though. Go google Saint Lalibela.

My Ethiopian Boy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iJILHGFa5o

Ah, now this is the real crown of the album! Track 6 is Ahava, the wonkiest and best song on the cd. I love it so much! It reminds me of eighties movies, where the lead characters are going through the weirdest crap ever. Think Labyrinth or The Never Ending Story (the first one, not the sequels). It's weirdness for weirdness' sake, and I can't get enough. This is a song to really listen to and enjoy how bizarre and pulsing this gets.

Ahava: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1Sjf779_XE

Next up is No Time to Hate, a song that I really should dislike more than I do. Honestly, it's silly celebrity lovey-dovey whatnot, and hate has its time and place. But once this song gets to the part "I hope you see as far as I see, I hope you see like I do", I just get all happy and silly. It makes me want to sing and twirl around like an innocent character in a weird movie who's trying to lighten up the lead character. If you're silly and/or pretentious, you'll like this song. No need to be uptight about it.

No Time To Hate: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-853aKmUJVQ

I gotta be honest, I always skip this next song. It's You've Got a Friend, just a remake of somebody else's work. This is way to tame for the great vocal range that Ofra had. I don't like it when artists do covers, unless that cover is basically a remix. There's no need to sing a song exactly the way the normal artist does, unless it's karaoke night or you're a celebrity impersonator. Trivia time: the way to say karaoke bar in korean is "noh-reh-bahng". Not that you needed to know that, but yeah. Next!

You've Got a Friend: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVX5Dz7NV1c

When the customizable internet radio on Yahoo.com used to be free, I would listen to this song a lot. You is a really dramatic song, and now that I've matured as a person, it's too melodramatic for me. Heck, maybe you'll like it. It's mildly hard for an Ofra song, but...eh.

You: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ki_NH1G_ePY

Yay! Give Me a Sign is my second favorite song on this album, and it reminds me of my oldest nephew because he was born at the time I started listening more to Ofra. It's really a gem, and if you only listen to two songs of these, listen to Ahava or this one. This is more calm and warm than Ahava, and it's also more sad. Something about it is so darkly tragic, as if Ofra knew she was going to die soon and is saying goodbye. At the Hebrew bit at the end....man, it's so sad.

Give Me a Sign: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGwz4p_ACuE

I think there's another song on this album, but I don't really remember it because it was too pretentious for me even in my pretentious days when I bought the cd. So yeah, none of that now. I doubt I'd find a link to it on youtube anyway. Honestly, I think if Ofra had lasted into the modern age of music, I wouldn't listen to her stuff. She was going the way of mainstream, and I personally dig her more eighties work. The pretentiousness was growing in her, just as it does with a lot of famous singers. People say you can't predict the future, but really there are some things that you should see coming. Like driving into a brick wall, for instance. People just tend to want what they want, and because they want it so bad they ignore all the warning signs and just go do that stupid thing, not regretting it until that stupid thing hits them in the face.
What are we talking about, again?

It was 2007 when I started searching for Ofra Haza's music. I was thinking about the movie Prince of Egypt, and I wanted to check out her singing again. That's how I noticed her other songs, and also how I found out she was dead. She died in April of 2000. There's some weirdness to her death, and you'll see it listed as the flu at some websites. It doesn't take a lot of investigation to find out more details. Apparently she had AIDS. Her husband that she married in 1997, Doron Ashkenazi, was not a good choice, to say the least. Ofra was not the sort of person to sleep around or do drugs, but Doron did them, and quite frankly I don't understand why Ofra married him. There's a lot there that isn't talked about and I can't say.

From what I have learned, apparently Doron didn't want her to get treatment because he was afraid of the stigma AIDS brought with it at the time. If only he knew that the stigma of being responsible for his wife's death would be so much worse. In interview with Ofra's sisters revealed that Doron was afraid to bring Ofra to the hospital even during her very last days, and that they were afraid of him. It's difficult to be mad at Doron, though, because after everything was over, it's quite obvious that he was deep in guilt. A year and a half later he was still very upset about it, and he died from heroin use. I'm almost willing to classify it as suicide.

Heck, this whole thing was a big case of people not turning away from the brick wall they were driving straight for. People, look at what you're doing now, and look at what the results of that will be. Don't just do something because you really want to do it. Think about how this will affect not only you, but other people. Your fate is not yours, but the fate of everyone you meet. You can either be light or darkness, a small bit of happy or slap in the face. Maybe you want to be mad at someone who wronged you, but what will that result in? Screaming at them won't gain you an apology. It will only result in bitterness and anger. Sleeping around will result in emotional turmoil, drugs will result in the loss of motivation and soul, and compromising principles results in a lack of backbone. You know when you're doing something stupid, so stop it.

The bridge of Shir Ha'Frecha says that the fate of every frecha is a good apartment and an ideal husband. If only that were true.

RIP, Ofra.

What is it with artists I like dying? I really need to stop liking people. I totally hate DJ Redlight. Yeah. He sucks.